a queen-in-training’s letter of praise for Queen Red Riding Hood’s Guide to Royalty, by Chris Colfer
Someone Worth Mentioning
12345 Queen’s Palace Place
Nowheresville, Royalty Republic
Otherworld
Queen Red Riding Hood
54321 Superior Red Road
Royalty Only Village, Red Riding Hood Kingdom
Fairy-tale Kingdoms
August 1, 2017 (Otherworld date)
Dear Queen Red Riding Hood:
I waited ages for Connor Bailey to bring me my pre-ordered (and pre-paid!) copy of Your Majesty’s first book, Queen Red Riding Hood’s Guide To Royalty. However, I am pleased to say it was worth the wait, and I would like to inform you that I enjoyed it immensely. I would also like to share with you the reasons why I think it should be awarded “Literature Piece of the Century and Both Worlds”. Thank you in advance for reading every perfect paragraph that follows with great delight and for modestly absorbing the due praise with which you will be showered abundantly.
The first chapter was absolutely fantastic! In my supreme opinion (which is obviously and automatically made a fact) it was exceptional because you gave us a peek into your personal past. I fully understand and empathize with you about the sore mistreatment you more-or-less silently suffered. I think it’s the way you wrote that allows me to feel a personal connection to you, despite never having run into you at a Meeting of Queens. So good job! Give yourself a pat on the back if you haven’t already, although you probably have.
The way you sneakily described deception in Chapter 2 without actually calling it that was absolutely genius! And I love the personal mannerism of your writing. I, as well, do not have to make my portraits embellished, because I, too, am perfect. And I don’t have to be cautious of praise, either. I must say, making a law that everyone has to praise you often is such a brilliant idea! I must not be quite as brilliant as you are, though, because I have met with adversity trying to enforce this law with my family and friends. (I don’t have very many subjects. The ones I do have were too troublesome for other queens. In case you’re concerned about the welfare of my kingdom, don’t worry, I have a plan to fix this. Since I’m obviously not the problem, I must work on the hearts and heads of all potential subjects. I will try treating them as pets. And thanks to chapter 7 of your book, I have handled myself with dignity during this temporary and short-lived defeat.)
If you want to share this fabulous letter with your subjects to give them a template for their own praise letters to you, you most certainly can. In fact, I encourage it. You’re welcome.
Since I now know how to host royalty thanks to your second to last chapter, you are invited to my house to tell me how much you enjoyed this letter.
Your admirer,
Queen-in-training Someone Worth Mentioning
P.S. I am terribly ashamed at myself for having gone on so long. I sincerely apologize for taking your precious time. But mine is also being used, so I suppose we are even.
